Spreading Love Starts at Home
5 Minutes, 45 Second
Written By John Marx
I never would believe that I would speak so openly about spreading the love of all people. I am an emotional person for sure. I am a guy that cries, loves hugs, but I am an introvert and would rather be with myself or just one or two close friends. I like long walks (in my head), sitting behind a computer screen, or going and watching nature around me. The deeper I dig into this world of homelessness and domestic violence, my mind is enlightened, and my heart is filled with joy. I am a person that believes a foundation of love and happiness must exist in our homes before we can expand it into our community.
We have scenarios that happen daily in our lives that define us and truly show who we are as a person. We often have an outward appearance of who we are. How we handle these scenarios shows who we truly are and how we want people to see us.
Today I will look at a simple quote I found online from a Seattle Homeless social media page that says, "If we could spread love as quickly as we spread hate and negativity, what an amazing world we would live in." That statement is so simple and yet so powerful. Often, we overreact when we see something that happens around us. We first think of the negativity of a situation rather than what truly is happening. We often react by attacking before thinking.
Attacking can be anger, leading to a domestic violence incident, whether physical or verbal. It can violate trust in a relationship by making someone run to someone else just to "vent" or, even worse, resulting in lies taking a situation that could easily have been talked about to something that builds a foundation of distrust.
I will discuss how my wife Holly and I handled a situation that I feel built us up rather than tore us down (scenario 2). Just as I am sure you have, I have been in relationships where the first scenario has happened, which for me, has created distrust and eventually destroyed something that could've been so much more.
This started out 100% as my fault. I will cover how it could've gone and how it actually went down. It shows how much kindness, compassion, and love she has and why I am growing and helping the best way I can. So let's begin...
Scenario 1 - the wrong way of handling a problem
The person has thoughts running through their mind. They say the problem without thinking, the other person takes it as hurtful, and a verbal argument starts. Yelling goes back/forth for a while, and each person departs the room angrier than when it began.
The instigator of the argument goes to a quiet corner to figure out what went wrong as in their mind, it should've turned out completely different. They are trying to figure out how to better explain and diffuse the situation as they hurt the one person they should never break. They fall asleep and wake up early with the answer to better explain the situation going through their minds.
The recipient of the instigator's verbal attacks fell into a shell, blamed themselves, and called and sought help from someone else, spilling all the dirty laundry of the conversation and then stuff beyond as they have an ear that will listen to it making the bad situation worse. This started a seed of saying to leave and end such a hostile situation. That they deserve better. They feel better letting it off their chest but now have a secret away from the person they love.
The next day, with a calmer head, the instigator starts a discussion and explains what they could not explain the day before. There is still tension, but they are moving forward but no longer at the same common goals because of an unknown level of distrust that was made that one doesn't know about. This adds a layer of secrecy and a lie into the situation that can never be undone.
In this scenario, the problem was resolved, but a wedge now exists between them. There is a layer of distrust between the two, even though neither truly realizes how deep the wedge of distrust goes, and the conversation wasn't just between them. They will now have to find a way to explain what they did, except that there is now a layer of distrust between them and risk their relationship ending by going outside of their relationship. That trust may never get back and will haunt their relationship for the rest of its existence.
Scenario 2 - A better way to handle a problem (still not perfect)
Even though I say this is the better way, there are many aspects I should've handled differently, and it is part of my growing and learning from my mistakes.
We have the same instigator, and a talk is tried to be started by the other person, but the instigator stays quiet. The person has no clue what just happened and starts to ask themselves what they did wrong. They state they don't know how to explain the emotions going through their mind and leave the room.
They didn't do anything wrong. Just the instigator, this time, chose to be quiet and think. They should've said they would talk once they put thoughts to words. They continue to believe all night that they are doing something wrong. They stay up thinking of what happened, trying to figure out where things went wrong, etc.
The instigator falls asleep, not realizing that they made the matter worse, and then explains the situation in the morning after they figured out how to explain it. The person listens and says they understand and keeps the matter calm, and everything diffuses without any verbal yelling. The two agree to continue the conversation later. Now that the reason for the feelings is out in the open, they can continue to talk and build their love for each other.
In our second scenario, both move on with no secrets and a stronger foundation. They can continue the conversation, work on the communication breakdown that happened, and make their relationship stronger. The foundation isn't as strong as it should've been but is a better situation because there is no distrust or lies between them.
They can continue to spread the love to each other, which builds trust, and will allow them to take that with them into their community and spread positive vibes rather than both being angry at the world or each other.
Communities become stronger when we have a solid foundation that everything is built off of. This foundation starts at our home. It allows us to be more willing to give to those in our community around us.